mikkithegazette: (Default)
Title: Blissful Perceptions
Author: mikkithegazette
Chapters: 2/?
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mental illness
Pairing: Reita x Kai
Disclaimer: These fingers were made for typing, and that's just what they do. These fingers were made for typing and they'll type all about you......you know. From my imagination. If I actually owned the people mentioned, they would be making more than music with each other...
Synopsis: I asked that doctor what he say. He said, "There ain't enough meds. Oh boy, you better off dead."
Comments: I've been in a constant state of depression over the past few weeks and I came across some inspiration. It's going to be kind of jumbled and seems like it's not well thought out, but since this is a journal-type fic, I figured it would be more believable if I wrote it like a real journal: jumbled thoughts and messy feelings. Enjoy.
 


21 June 2011, 22:14 

   Hey, journal. Nothing much happened today except the usual. After I got done writing in you, I had to go to breakfast and have those goddamn nurses look over me while I ate. It was pretty fucking annoying. Why do they have to look over me, you ask? Well, today is Tuesday which means everyone gets pancakes. For some reason, that's supposed to excite everyone in the institution, but it only irritates me. Pancake Tuesday; who woulda fucking thought.

   Who would want to eat something like that anyway? All it does is fatten you up like a bloody Santa plushie and give you extra weight to work off. I opted for cereal, of course. I was not having that poison put into my system. Okay, back to the nurses. The entire time I'd been here ( about half a month), they watch me like a hawk when it comes to meal times. See, I have this habit of taking extremely small bites out of everything I eat because taking big bites out of anything makes me feel like I wanna puke; I've been doing it for years and it's pretty ritualistic. I'd say I put about three or four pieces of Reese's Pieces in my spoon and eat on it like that. No problem, right? I know! I'm just trying to watch my intake like a healthy person.

   Anyway, when I was done eating, I had to go to the bathroom and take care of my business but I wasn't allowed. The fuck? What man isn't allowed to take a piss whenever he wants? It's not like I'm going to try anything like last time. Jeez, these people can be touchy. The rest of the day went by normally except for this one bit of gossip I'm hearing right at this moment while I write this in our common room: there's going to be a new kid arriving tomorrow. According to Takanori he's pretty batshit crazy, but aren't we all?

   I'll update you tomorrow. It's lights out for me. Goodnight!

   P.S: I think I'll name you Totoro. Reminds me of my best friend because he was as fat and tall as the character. You're pretty thick and fat, too. Thank God I'm not you.
mikkithegazette: (Default)
Title: Blissful Perceptions
Author: mikkithegazette
Chapters: 1/?
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character death
Pairing: Reita x Kai
Disclaimer: These fingers were made for typing, and that's just what they do. These fingers were made for typing and they'll type all about you......you know. From my imagination. If I actually owned the people mentioned, they would be making more than music with each other...
Synopsis: I asked that doctor what he say. He said, "There ain't enough meds. Oh boy, you better off dead,"
Comments: I've been in a constant state of depression over the past few weeks and I came across some inspiration. It's going to be kind of jumbled and seems like it's not well thought out, but since this is a journal-type fic, I figured it would be more believable if I wrote it like a real journal: jumbled thoughts and messy feelings. Enjoy.


12 June 2011, 09:36 )
~
 
 
21 June 2001, 07:36
 
   Hi there, journal. Before I write any further, I gotta tell you I honestly don't know what to write in here because I've never had a journal before. I mean, I've had, like, little pieces of paper to write down quick thoughts and then throw away, but that's about it. Never an actual journal. Whatever the case, Machiko-san insists I write down my "imbalanced and comflicting" thoughts down in here. Only problem is she never told me how to fucking do it. What do I do, tell you my favorite porn star? The name of my pet goldfish and how I was completely scarred when I realized I killed it by stomping on it when I took it out of the water to play with? As if.

   I guess I can start by introducing myself. What's up, journal, my name is Suzuki Akira but my friends call me Reita. Well.....that's if I had any friends in the first place. All of them stopped visiting me once my parents were told I got worse, but I don't think I got worse. Actually, I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I'm not once of those crazy people like the ones down in the white rooms down the hall.

   Gotta go. They're calling everyone down for breakfast and I'm starving.
mikkithegazette: (Default)
Title: Lost it All (sequel to I'm With You)
Author: mikkithegazette
Chapters: 1/1
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Hurt and comfort
Pairing: Uruha x Aoi
Disclaimer: These fingers were made for typing, and that's just what they do. These fingers were made for typing and they'll type all about you......you know. From my imagination. If I actually owned the people mentioned, they would be making more than music with each other...
Synopsis: I never meant to be the one who kept you from the dark, but now I know my wounds are sewn because of who you are. I will take this burden on and become the holy one, but remember I am human and I'm bound to sing this song.
Comments: IT'S HERE. I finally got a sequel up. I'm honestly a bit mad because I've been too busy at school trying to graduate on time and not having a computer to be able to write. I wanted to have this up a long time ago but life got in the way of it. I've also been going through depression again and it's worse than anything I've ever experienced. It's not exactly fun to think about different ways I'm being murdered or killing myself all day everyday ^^;. Forgive me, please The title is the name of a song I think you ALL should check out (shameless music promoter over here). Lost It All by Black Veil Brides kicked UNTITLED's ass out of my top favorite ballad. XD But yeah, I'm sorry I left you all with that cruel cliffhanger ^^;
P/S: I never said anything about it, but this is supposed to be in the DIVISION era. Anything after this fic, Uruha is going to be referred to as a brunette. ♥


 
   Aoi woke up with a startled gasp, his eyes shooting open and instantly being blinded by the too-bright lights hovering above him. He sat up quickly only to have a wave of dizziness push him back onto the soft cushion under him and after a few moments of getting himself together, he slowly fluttered his eyes open to take in where he was. He was in a hospital room, alive. Confusion threaded its way through his mind as he groaned in discomfort. There was a horrible pressure on his head that wouldn't go away. Why am I here? Not a moment after he had the thought, the memories came flooding back to him and he sighed in both relief and sadness. He ran his hand over his face. He just couldn’t catch a break couldn’t he? Always fucking something up…

   Before he could go on another pity party, he shook his head in disapproval and closed his eyes as the light suddenly being too bright for him.
 

   Ugh…someone turn the lights off, he thought.
 

   The raven tried yet again to sit up, taking his time, and took in his surroundings. Crappy food sat on a tray untouched, small tubes biting into his veins to inject him with medication, TV playing "Otokin…" and four men huddled together on one wall sleeping with tear tracks dried on their faces. Instantly recognizing them as his best friends, he was overcome with emotin and tears welled in his eyes at the sight. Reita was half sitting, half lying across the small sofa, Kai's body pressed against him and tucked securely into the blonde’s arms in a protective way, as if he were trying to hold onto him for dear life; Ruki sat in a stiff looking chair with his arms crossed and his head lowered. He couldn’t quite see the small man’s face because he had a surgical mask covering it, but he could see the stains of dark blue where tears had fallen on the mask. Guilt washed over him like a cold rain on a harsh winter day as he starred at the man. God, Aoi felt awful for what he did to him. He had gotten so worked up over something that wasn’t there and probably traumatized the vocalist; he was going to think Aoi did this because of him…

   Tearing his eyes away from Ruki, the guitarist turned his attention to the man lying next to him, eyes wide open looking at nothing and balled up on the floor in fetal position shivering.

   His heart broke as he took in Uruha’s posture, it almost looked like the world had ended up crashing around him. He looked so helpless, so vulnerable that Aoi wished he could break free of the IV and pull the other male into his welcoming arms, protect him from whatever the sorrow that was haunting him.

   And then he realized he was the reason Uruha was like this.

   “Uru…..Uruha….” Aoi whispered in a raspy and small voice, almost no sound coming out of his mouth. No response. He called out again, this time his voice cracking painfully at the end and causing the brunette’s hand to fly to his throat to soothe it. At the sound of his voice, Uruha instantly snapped out of his mental trance and gazed at the man in the ugly hospital gown. As if Time itself stopped to stare at the two guitarists, taunting the two and causing an uncomfortable tension, everything felt still as Uruha slowly stood up, his almond eyes never breaking contant with the feline ones. His eyes sported a bright pink hue and his skin was paper white. They were both holding their breaths, completely petrified in each other’s presence, the only noise comming being the dialogue of the tv program playing in the background. How long had it been since Aoi felt like he was being gripped around the neck by dread and terror like this? And surely it had never been this suffocating before.

   "You're alive?" the blonde choked out, not sure whether or not he should believe what he was seeing. Aoi let out a painful sob and covered his mouth with his hands and Uruha immediately rushed over and shushed him, telling him not to bother talking while stroking his messy black hair with trembling hands. The younger man’s face was drained of every color except around his eyes, which were a dark grayish-blue.

   "I-I'm so fucking sorry!" The blonde completely broke down, the mental state he'd been in for the past few hours taking a toll on him emotionally. He never meant for any of this to happen. Not at all. He thought all he wanted was a chance to be happy, to be reassured that the man in front of him didn't have his life on a leash and that he had complete control over his own emotions and thoughts, but then he realized he was foolish. He was so foolish to look over everything the raven had ever done for him over the past few years, seeing it only as his way of annoyingly trying to prove himself worthy of being with him. Aoi had given him everything he could have hoped to ever have in his life and he took it for granted. He was scum. Uruha wrapped his arms around his lover's torso gently and a loud sob escaped his pretty lips. Aoi felt something sting in his chest, but the pain had nothing to do with his physical condition.

   Tears came to his eyes and he smiled at his lost angel, putting his forehead on the blonde’s and just starring at those beautiful, golden eyes. A small smile cracked at the corners of Aoi’s lips as he took the guitarist in his arms and whispered, “That’s all you can come up with, Uru?” Chuckling in between his sobs, appreciating the raven's humor even in this solemn situation, Uruha stroked his cheek and sighed shook his head as if Aoi told a bad joke.

   "Uruha?" Aoi tried to get the blonde to calm down enough to try and have conversation, even if just a little, but the other wasn't even paying much attention to him, or so he thought. "Uruh--"

   "Don't you e-ever do that again." The emotional threat was said in the most pitiful of tones, but it was also strict and promising. "Don't ever do something like that again," he shifted his head so he could glare at the brunette through tear-filled eyes, his voice shaky but held warning, “or I swear to God I'll kill you myself."

   Aoi chuckled and hugged him closer, ignoring the slight pain in his wrist. "Does that mean you still love me?" he asked. "After everything I put you through, you still love me?" The guitarist realized that he was the reason for the blonde's unhappiness. The cause of his heartache, the cause of his frustration, the cause of everything wrong in his life...but he also knew - with a guilty heart - that they were meant to be together. As bad as he was for the other, they were also the source of each other's happiness, self-security, and they gave each other the profound ability to love with all their heart; they were stuck together like glue.

   The younger man rolled his eyes and kissed the brunette full on the lips, feeling relief, relaxation, and joy overwhelm him all in that second. After a few moments, the couple pulled away reluctantly and looked each other in the eyes.

   "I love you." Aoi whispered, smiling genuinly.

   "I love you, too Aoi. I love you so much."
 
~

 
 
mikkithegazette: (Default)
Title: Burn 
Author: mikkithegazette
Chapter: Drabble
Genre: Angst
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Pairing: Reita x Kai
Disclaimer: These fingers were made for typing, and that's just what they do. These fingers were made for typing and they'll type all about you......you know. From my imagination. If I actually owned the people mentioned, they would be making more than music with each other...
Synopsis: Here comes the darkness. it's eating at my soul now that the spark has gone out of control. This fire is raging, I can't find the door.
Comments: I don't know where this came from, to be honest.

Reita wondered if it was ever out of a true yet diseased love or if it was just routine )
~
 
"We can't do this anymore." the blonde whispered, the dark hood he was wearing covering whatever was left to see in the darkness that surrounded him and his boyfriend, his heart sinking as soon as the words left his pale lips. They'd been sitting on the same cold bench in the middle of the night for the past hour saying absolutely nothing, tense silence filling their ears. How many times had Reita counted the number of stars glistening in the night sky around the full moon to keep himself distracted, evading the very thing he called on. He was the one that told Kai to meet him and yet he was the one afraid to speak, afraid to finally end it. "We don't deserve this."
 
It was agonizing, but honestly what all could be said? They'd said plenty during the nights they couldn't stand to be near each other, screaming and arguing until one of them gave in or lost the pointless fight. The bassist knew for a fact that what they had was unhealthy and would never work and yet they were still in each other's arms every night sharing a bed. They still woke up the next morning like the previous night had never happened and acted like everything was fine; they even kissed each other good morning. Reita wondered if it was ever out of a true yet diseased love or if it was just routine; if it was routine to just pretend everything was normal and they weren't falling apart from the inside out was the big question. Shaking his head in sadness, the blonde stood up and looked over at the brunette, slightly alarmed at the sight before him. 
 
Kai was smiling. He wasn't wearing a mask of pain and hurt like Reita was nor did he look nearly as upset as the blonde thought he would look; he was sporting a genuine smile that could have lit up the entire night sky had the stars not been there. "You've done it, Rei." 
 
Confused, Reita turned towards him and narrowed his eyes in evident bewilderment. "What do you mean?"
 
Standing up and wrapping his arms around the blonde's thin frame, he sighed deeply and hugged him tightly, almost too happy for words. It was finally over. No more screaming, no more pain, no more suffering...no more. It was as if a huge burden had been lifted from their shoulders and they were able to roam wherever they wished without fear of dragging each other down. Kai turned his head to kiss the warm cheek next to him and a lone tear fell from his eye as he said his next words.
 
"You set us both free."
mikkithegazette: (Aoi)
Can we take a moment to appreciate the perfection that takes the form of the GazettE's guitarists.

i mean


They're literally perfect.
I can't deal with myself right now.
I can't

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